After a long wait at least it felt really long to me here I was in a car with a stranger going to his house to spend the night together which was giving me stomach pain but in a strangely good way this was something I wanted to try and decide who I am what I really want and here is the chance given to me.

After a trip on the top of the clouds passing the bridge and going to Bay Oakland CA we arrived to his house full of cat fur but tidy and nice. A little chat and a shower leads to bed to explore my hided side.

In the end I was so shy and nervous I am not sure what was I doing but I was enjoying myself. Next day he made a great breakfast and we drove back to the city he called sick and come with me to my hostel to pick up my stuff. We decided to spend mre days together...

That week was like a brief marriage; we had everything bad sex good sex fight love hand to hand dinner and walking around streets but in the end I felt so bad to leave the city and to be away from him. As a romantic idiot I was trying to belong someone & somewhere but I was not thinking if it was the right one.

After I come back home and join the military for a month which was a must on the phone he told me to not to call him again which made me creative as I was never. I wrote letters never sent I wrote songs poems and diary.

Not sure if the first step always the pain step but mine was full of tears and depressing nights with my pillow on my face screaming loud and quiet in a way.

From time to time I wonder if we meet again how he reacts and what would I tell him...